I haven't been posting to the Blog the way I thought I might since finding out that I'd joined the legions of the nation's unemployed. So much more on my mind, fear for the future can have a crystalizing affect on priorities.
Unless I fall to caveman-like depths of no internet I'll not stop Blogging. The last few days have been hectic, frightening and strange mix. I'll find myself at times in a nearly zen state staring off into space in a varying combination of depression, disbelief and visions of what the future may hold for myself and my whole family.
I worked for this company for nearly 23 years. That's a LONG time for an employee "cushion" to build. Yes, I saw it coming but the reality still seems to have hit me like a ton of bricks. Just like it has thousands before me. The last time I actually "typed" up a resume was on an actual typewriter. That's a LONG time ago and a helluva cushion.
There's bright sides to this(maybe), in some ways. I may find a job closer to home, and not 30 miles round trip away. I may find a job that is interesting, fulfilling and challenging to me personally.
The ONLY enjoyment I had out of my old job in the last years was the coffee, Internet and email. I felt(and was) completely wasted doing what I was doing. I knew it and it made me feel bad every day.
One of the good things, if you want to call it that was, when watching the end results of Bushonomics on my tv news, I could at least think, "well my job may bore me to tears, but at least it pays decent(not good) and I have, barely decent(just barely) health insurance through it". Now is that reason enough to slog through the tedium of dozing off in front of my work computer each day? Well, yes it was, but I don't have that choice anymore.
A new future has been forced on me. It's frightening and terrifying in ways but I may come out of it happier. I can only hope.
Some late evening thoughts aboard the unemployed train.
Note: I've also found that sleep is not very good on that train. Henry David Thoreau said "most men lead lives of quiet desperation". If he were alive today, at my age with no job. He might change the "desperation" to horror.
P.S. I'm not sure what Edward Hopper's painting "Nighthawks" has to do with this but I like it. It has a similar feeling of late night alienation, foreboding and strangeness that I'm feeling at the moment.
Obama send me some stimulus, Now!
Labels: jobs, quiet desperation, unemployed